I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
