the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
