Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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