I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
