I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
