Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
