did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
