dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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