Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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