I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
