So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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