he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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