do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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