i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
