Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
