I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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