I wish you could order shots online.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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