I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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