My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
