Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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