If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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