lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
