So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
