I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The adults are the big ones right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
