I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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