ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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