tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the condom got lost in my hair
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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