; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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