i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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