I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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