That's intense
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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