Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How external is "for external use only"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated