I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like eating out sand paper
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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