I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a beard to bite.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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