Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
