there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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