somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
