WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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