it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
