You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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