Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
