batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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