well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
