apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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