How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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