i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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