Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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