I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
