yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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