You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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