is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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