whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
