How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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