Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
