Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
