dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
