Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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