If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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